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3 Most Important Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating
Published by HireAPrivateEye in Relationships · Monday 04 Oct 2021

The 3 Best Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating

One of the worst things to happen to anyone is the discovery of your spouse cheating on you. But that isn’t as bad as the suspicion of infidelity. At least when you’ve found out your partner is sleeping with someone else, you have that certainty and can do something about it. What can be worse is the uncertainty and not knowing for sure, but having that gut feeling cheating is going on.

So how can you gain that certainty your spouse is cheating in your relationship? Here’s how...

  1. Identify the signs of possible cheating.
  2. And get hard irrefutable evidence.


  1. Read This Before You Accuse Your Partner of Cheating
  2. SPOILER ALERT: There Are NO Guaranteed Signs of Cheating
  3. The 3 Fundamental Signs Your Spouse Could Be Cheating
    1. Lying and Secretive Behavior
    2. Being Critical
    3. Distancing, Wanting Space or Wanting to Leave
  4. Watch For Extreme Signs of Infidelity
  5. Get Hard Evidence Your Spouse Is Cheating

Read This Before You Accuse Your Partner of Cheating

Following is a list of tell-tale signs that indicate a husband or wife could be cheating. However, this list is just a means to give you more certainty that something is going on; that further investigation of your spouse should be encouraged to find out exactly what.

It’s important not to make any rash decisions based on this list (or any other list on the internet for that matter) without first obtaining definitive proof of infidelity. Just because your partner is behaving oddly towards you doesn’t necessarily mean they’re cheating with someone else. And there is nothing worse than being accused of something you haven’t done.

The main purpose of this article is to give you some of the most common signs a cheating spouse will display, so you can look out for them, and if necessary, you can go on to hiring a private investigator to prove your spouse is cheating.

SPOILER ALERT: There Are NO Guaranteed Signs of Cheating

Don’t think your spouse is having an affair just because they’ve suddenly decided to start dressing nicely, or want to look after them self a little bit better. It’s possible they want to make some positive changes in life. So, don’t presume “change” is a guaranteed sign of committing adultery.

People can change and do want to improve themselves. Again, it’s a sign that cheating could be happening but not conclusive. An important point to make here is that there are no single sure signs someone is cheating, you must look at the whole picture.

The 3 Fundamental Signs Your Spouse Could Be Cheating

So, what are sure signs that your spouse has cheated on you? Are there any guaranteed signs of cheating? Well, not guaranteed, but some signs are more definite than others, such as these:

  1. Lying and secretive behavior.
  2. Being critical.
  3. Distancing, wanting space, or wanting to leave.

1. Lying and Secretive Behavior

It goes without saying, that in order to have a secret affair there will be plenty of lying and behavior that appears secretive. Lying and secret behavior are good warning signs of suspected infidelity and they will take on many forms – too many to be listed here.

Here are a few signs of secretive behavior and lying that indicate your spouse is cheating:

  • Secretly creating a new email account for communicating with a lover.
  • Password protecting their phone or computer.
  • Deleting their phone’s messages or call history after certain calls.
  • Deleting the computer’s internet history.
  • Strange phone calls; sudden hang-ups and wrong numbers from a caller.
  • Phone bill with an unknown number for long frequent calls.
  • Suddenly looking after their appearance – exercising, new clothes, grooming.
  • Unexplained disappearances of money from joint bank accounts, credit cards, etc.
  • Opening a separate new bank account.
  • Hidden receipts of flowers, hotel rooms, restaurant visits, etc.
  • Hidden items of birth control you’re unaware of.
  • Contracting a sexually transmitted disease.
  • Being very defensive and on-edge around you.
  • Character changes – unusual behavior.

All of these cheating warning signs (and the thousands of others not listed here) come under the single umbrella heading of “lying and secretive behavior”. These listed above are just a few of the more common signs of an affair and with time you could probably identify others yourself.

But let’s move on...

All cheaters are stupid and secretly want to get caught

All cheaters are stupid, some more than others, and will eventually get caught. Some cheaters however can be artful liars and when you happen to touch upon one of their lies, they will skillfully deflect any accusation. If you challenge some lie, they will have an ingenious answer, perhaps throw it back at you, making you think it’s all in your head. It’s a bit like boxing with a shadow.

BUT, ALL cheating spouses will, knowingly or unknowingly, “tell” you they are cheating. It’s a bizarre fact but someone who is committing adultery will show you the signs.

Why didn’t you spot the signs your spouse is unfaithful?

This bit may sting a little, but the problem of NOT spotting the dishonesty or the lies - if you don’t see them - unfortunately rests with YOU, or the partner who is being cheated on.

Here’s why…

One of the common things that people do, to avoid confronting danger or difficult situations, is to invent a reason why it’s NOT danger. They see a dangerous situation and pretend it’s something else or that something else is going on. They don’t see it for what it is. WHY? Because people, generally cannot face or confront evil or evil deeds, such as their spouse cheating on them.

Example of a spouse not spotting the signs of cheating

A couple are out to dinner and the husband gets a phone call, he briefly excuses himself saying its work, gets up and goes to the bar to take his call. The wife watches her husband leaning against the bar, talking on his phone and although she can’t hear the conversation, she can see the manner in how he’s talking - a similar manner with which he displayed towards her when they were first dating - as though whispering sweet nothings.

The husband is smiling away, and all the while he’s talking on the phone, he’s also giving eye-contact to a pretty girl sitting at the bar. He’s flirting away in front of his wife with the girl at the bar, as well as secretly having a phone call with another girl he’s seeing – “unknown” to his wife. This guy is a serial cheater.

He wraps up his “work” conversation, goes back to his wife and feeds her a lie (in the form of a casual comment) to satisfy any curiosity his wife may have and to keep her from asking questions. She accepts this lie and they go back to eating their dinner.

But wait!

Did his wife not see what was going on? Did she not think... why did he have to leave the table to take a “work” phone call? Why did the conversation look more intimate than work related? Why was he flirting with the girl at the bar?

Did she not see all of this? Of course, she did!

But having to face this evil - the fact she married a serial cheating sleaze-ball and now needs to get a divorce after 10 long wasted years, break up her family, and perhaps will now need to get a job - is all very difficult to face. It’s not easy to just break it all up after spending all those years creating what was thought to be a perfect marriage.

So, what does she do?

Maybe she convinces herself that it was a work phone call after all. And to ease her discomfort of the flirtatiousness she just witnessed, says to herself, “he’s just a very friendly guy” – but not to his own wife he’s not. She will pretend something else is going on, or make up reasons or excuses that what she actually saw isn’t the case – in effect, she lies to herself.

The point being made here is to look for yourself at what’s actually there and what’s actually going on, rather than pretending something else instead. And when you see for yourself what is truly going on, you can better deal with the situation.

What happens next when your partner is doing bad or dishonest things behind your back is that they become critical of you – which leads onto the next fundamental sign your spouse is cheating - possibly.

2: Being Critical

Your partner is being critical of you, finding fault in pretty much anything you say (or do) without just cause. This doesn’t mean that if you forget to pick the kids up from school that you don’t deserve some degree of censure – you do. This warning sign is where you haven’t actually done anything wrong but are subject to criticism anyway.

There are gradients of this type of behavior, from slight criticism, veiled or hidden digs from your spouse, to the more extreme behavior of severe verbal, mental and even physical abuse by your partner.

Watch out for these subtle signs in your partner

These subtle signs of infidelity are the hardest to spot if you’re not aware. It’s like having a little rat gnawing at you – you know something is wrong but you can’t place your finger on it. They’re little remarks designed to bring you down, something like this;

“Wow you bought a new dress, that’s nice. Your sister would look nice in that, she’s got the figure for it, but I love you in it too. Hope it didn’t cost too much, just kidding”.


“Your brother is so helpful. He certainly knows how to deal with people, that’s for sure. What a shame you’re not like him. Never mind, I love you.”

All remarks like these are said while smiling and appearing to be funny or complimentary, when in fact they are veiled attacks. They are subtle warning signs your spouse is, or has been, doing something behind your back. It doesn’t necessarily mean cheating but cheating would be a good bet.

These “hidden” signs cause you to feel something is wrong with your partner but you can’t quite figure out what, or you wonder if you are just being too sensitive. Because they are “hidden attacks” they cause you uncertainty and, despite you feeling somewhat put down and perhaps annoyed, you brush the warnings off: THE WRONG THING TO DO.

What causes the critical behavior in your spouse?

Behind your spouse’s unjustified fault-finding, the nagging, the critical remarks, and abuse, is some hidden action or activity your partner is doing (or has done) that is considered unethical, immoral, or dishonest. It might not be that they are having an affair, which is causing them to behave that way, but there is definitely something they are not telling you.

It is a fact that your spouse may even accuse you of what they themselves are doing. They may accuse you of having an affair. So just know that what they accuse you of you can flip that around and suspect they are doing that very thing.

What happens next when your partner is doing unethical things that are unknown to you and harmful to your relationship or marriage i.e., having an affair, is they will eventually want to leave. This phenomenon is the next crucial sign of potential cheating in a relationship.

3. Distancing, Wanting Space or Wanting to Leave

Yes, you have probably witnessed this third and final important sign of relationship infidelity on TV, in a book, or in life.
There comes a point where the spouse that’s committing adultery will start to distance themself from their partner and will eventually want to leave the relationship or marriage. This sign will become obvious the more you touch on your partner’s lies and the closer you get to uncovering what exactly they’ve been up to.

New relationships can and do break up simply because of not really knowing what the other partner was like, or not really having much in common. However, when a marriage has been going fine for 10 years then suddenly (or slowly) becomes a battleground, then suspect something has gone amiss, just before the marriage started hitting the rocks. Something occurred just before things started going wrong.

Distancing by your spouse is a sure sign something isn’t right in your relationship. Again, not necessarily an affair but something they’re not communicating to you, because distancing is a form of non-communication.

Apart from generally being secretive, here are some signs of relationship distancing you can watch out for:

  • You get strange flows from your partner and their mood has changed for the worst.
  • Real communication has gone sour, less talkative, and quieter.
  • Your partner is less intimate and caring.
  • Sex becomes less frequent and perhaps stops altogether.
  • Your partner is spending more time at work or going out with friends.
  • If at home they spend most of the time in another room.

If your relationship isn’t already strained by this time, it soon will be. And the next stage will be your spouse wanting to leave. They will make comments and excuses to end your marriage or relationship and you’ll hear things like:

  • “Leave me alone will you, you’re always nagging. I’m leaving.”
  • “Stop giving me the third degree, don’t you trust me. I’m going out.”
  • “I think we should spend some time apart for a while.”
  • “I’m not sure about this relationship anymore; it’s not what I want.”
  • “I want to break up. It’s not you, it’s me.”

What causes your spouse wanting to Leave?

The gradual distancing and “wanting to leave” effect, is a factual-based phenomenon caused by unethical, dishonest behavior – and not just in a marriage or relationship. It can happen in any area of life.

Just remember, that behind these “justifiable reasons” to end your marriage, are actions or activities your partner is doing (or has done) they aren’t telling you about. Things they consider are dishonest or unethical in some way, whether it’s cheating on you or something totally unrelated. Either way, you need to find out for sure if you want the opportunity to save your relationship.

Watch For Extreme Signs of Infidelity

This may seem a bit over-the-top but it has to be mentioned here. Having unusual accidents or illnesses are possible indications your spouse is cheating on you, particularly if there are large amounts of assets tied up in your marriage.

An extreme sign of adultery, which can go unnoticed, is becoming unusually ill from poisoning. If you have been married to a psychotic partner who has decided they no longer want to be married to you, you must consider what they could be capable of. Enough said.

Get Hard Evidence Your Spouse Is Cheating

If you have followed this article, you will have hopefully understood that the near infinite number of clues to infidelity are not 100% conclusive of this fact. But when you add enough clues together, as a whole, they can be a very good indicator that your spouse is indeed doing something irregular, if not cheating.

If you find yourself experiencing, in your marriage, the 3 major signs above, it would be prudent to investigate further. Gain the certainty of whether your partner is cheating, or if not, what else they’re up to, by getting good solid evidence.

How do you get evidence your spouse is cheating?

This is the exact type of work for a private investigator. They know the signs as well as have the experience to uncover dishonesty in a relationship. Using specialist equipment, a private investigator can get hard evidence for you. You can hire one to see if your spouse is cheating on you, or discover the real reason for your partner’s behavior.


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