Lying and Secretive Behavior
It goes without saying that in order to have a secret affair there will be plenty of lying and secret behavior going on. These will be some good warning signs of suspected infidelity. They will take on many forms – too many to be listed here – you can probably think up a few yourself.
Here are a few hints of secretive behavior and lying that could be a sign of infidelity:
+ Secretly creating a new email account for communicating with another lover
+ Password protecting their phone or computer
+ Deleting their phone’s messages or call history after certain calls
+ Deleting the computer’s internet history
+ Strange phone calls, sudden hang-ups and wrong numbers from a caller
+ Phone bill with an unknown number for long frequent calls
+ Suddenly looking after their appearance – exercising, new clothes, grooming
+ Unexplained disappearances of money from joint bank accounts, credit cards, etc.
+ Opening a separate new bank account
+ Hidden receipts of flowers, hotel rooms, restaurant visits, etc.
+ Hidden items of birth control you’re unaware of
+ Contracting a sexually transmitted disease
+ Being very defensive and on-edge
All of these infidelity warning signs come under the umbrella heading of lying and secretive behavior. These listed are just a few common signs of an affair and with time and imagination you could probably list hundreds yourself. But let’s move on..
All cheaters are stupid, some more than others, and will get caught. Some cheaters however can be artful liars and when you happen to touch upon one of their lies they will skillfully deflect any accusation. If you challenge some lie they will have an ingenious answer, perhaps throw it back at you making you think it’s all in your head. It’s a bit like shadow boxing.
So how do you spot a lying cheat?
This bit may sting a little but the problem of not spotting the dishonesty or the lies – if you don’t see them - unfortunately rests within you, the partner who is being cheated on. Here’s why..
One of the common things that people do to avoid confronting danger or difficult situations is to invent a reason why it’s not danger. They see a dangerous situation and pretend it’s something else or that something else is going on. WHY? Because people, generally cannot face or confront evil or evil deeds.
Here’s an example; a couple out to dinner and the husband gets a phone call, he briefly excuses himself saying its work, gets up and goes to the bar to take his call. The wife watches her husband leaning against the bar, talking on his phone and although she can’t hear the conversation she can see the manner in how he’s talking - a similar manner with which he displayed towards her when they were first dating – as though whispering sweet nothings.
The husband is smiling away, and all the while he’s talking on the phone he’s also giving eye-contact to a pretty girl sitting at the bar. He’s flirting away in front of his wife with the girl at the bar as well as secretly having a phone call to another girl he’s seeing – unknown to his wife. This guy is a serial cheater.
He wraps up his “work” conversation, goes back to his wife and feeds her a lie (in the form of a casual comment) to satisfy any curiosity his wife may have and to keep her from asking questions. She accepts this lie and they go back to their dinner.
But wait! Did his wife not see what was going on? Did she not think... why did he have to leave the table to take a “work” phone call? Why did the conversation look more intimate than work related? Why was he flirting with the girl at the bar? Did she not see all of this? Of course she did... but having to face this evil - the fact she married a serial cheating sleaze-ball and now needs to get a divorce after 10 long wasted years, break up the family, perhaps get a job - is all very difficult to face. It’s not easy to just break it all up after spending all those years creating what was thought to be perfect.
So what does she do? Maybe she convinces herself that it was a work phone call after all; and to ease her discomfort of the flirtatiousness she just witnessed, says to herself “oh he’s just a very friendly guy” – but not to his own wife he’s not. She will pretend something else is going on, or make up reasons or excuses that what she actually saw isn’t the case – in effect she lies to herself.
The point being made here is to look for yourself at what’s actually there and what’s actually going on rather than pretending something else instead. And when you see for yourself what is actually going on you can better deal with the situation. What happens next when your partner is doing bad or dishonest things behind your back is they become critical of you – which leads onto the next sign of infidelity.